Antti Rintala
TOMMY HELLSTEN
Finding the Words
Mornings are author and therapist Tommy Hellsten’s favorite time of the day. He likes to light a candle and take a little moment for himself for meditation or prayer.
He loves to ponder the big questions of life, which is why often he calls himself a “professional wonderer.”
“My mission is to put into words what cannot be described, in a language that people truly understand,” Hellsten says.
HELLSTEN GREW UP in a family overshadowed by alcoholism. His role was to console his mother and listen to her, and then discuss the issues with his father, who had a drinking problem.
“The only peaceful place in our house was the boiler room. There I ran my first practice,” says Hellsten, who was twelve at the time.
“With the central heating system humming in the background, I engaged in what I believed to be profound discussions with my father or mother. My purpose was to help my father quit drinking and save the marriage.”
HIS MOTHER suffered from his father’s alcoholism—and so did Tommy.
The family’s life was controlled by an inexplicable dark power that he couldn’t talk about but that wounded him deeply.
His first book, the record-breaking Hippo in the Living Room, arose from these experiences. Published in 1991, the book explains what happens to children in families with secrets that are not addressed.
“Writing the book was my psychological birth,” says Hellsten.
THE SHAME Hellsten felt because of his family background was so intense that he was not able to address it until he was in his thirties.
“So began my journey away from the shame. I was finally able to put my experiences into words, and it changed my life,” says Hellsten.
The book also changed other people’s lives: it resonated powerfully with the public and went on to become the all-time best-selling book on self-help and spirituality in Finland.
HELLSTEN BECAME Finland’s “national therapist,” whom people turn to for answers to questions that have long occupied them—perhaps all their lives.
“In a family bound by addiction or other secrets or overwhelming stresses, the shame overpowers the child’s other qualities, such as innocence, trust, or creativity,” Hellsten explains.
“The child learns that they must not speak, feel, or trust.”